الخميس، 18 فبراير 2010

Sunk at the sea of darkness

At some stage of my life
I was walking along the beach
Sunny and warm day
Trying to learn how to be happy
Trying to learn what I am going to do with my life
After a success
Planning for the next success

I kept walking
With the innocitiy of childs
The inner child inside me
Trusting that I am walking
along the shore
and only the shore

I found my self in the water
What brought me here, is unknown
But then looked at the warm sun
I trusted I will simply back up
And be back to the shore
Survive...for life...

The water was weighting me down
I was hardly moving
But while trying to move to the shore
I got hurted by some rock
I started to feel pain
Blood mixed with the water
But I was determined...
I should survive...

The sunny sky turned suddenly black...
Oh my god, it is night
I am hardly moving
And was late
Very late...

A new hurt happened
It was my soul
When I discovered...
I was swiming in the wrong direction
All my life fights...
All my life wars...
And what seemed to me the shore
Wasn't actually a shore
It was all the darkness...
I am sick...

I knew
That I was holding rescuers hands
But every moment
It became harder for me
To grip with life anymore
Every moment
It became harder for me
To bear the guilt feeling
That my need to be helped
Flooded any other thing...

Is that the stars in the sky
Or is it the rain... falling down
It flood the whole sea even more
The wind started to be stronger
I was trying not to sink...
But the darkness was graping me
To it's empty hole...

I started to see the water at my eye level
Life at top
Darkness at down
I was fighting
To stay out of the darkness below
To choose life...

But slowly
I lost control on my self...
Water started to fill my lungs
The lungs that once held so much life...
so much joy...
so much hope...
Yet now
Only the murky water is there
Replacing this whole life...

I couldn't think of anything
I couldn't see anything
I couldn't control anything...
I couldn't hold the rescuers hands anymore
Because I felt even more guilt...
That I involved these hands in my fight...
And caused them enough...

My body felt numb
My soul felt numb
Completly numb
I gave up caring about my self anymore
I gave up caring about life anymore
And just started to give up
And give in
To the feelings that lie below the water line...

All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water...
from the darkness below it...
I slowly slip below the world of consciousness

I don't know
If I want to fight anymore
Or I've given into darkness
The darkness which swallowed me
Unable to move anymore
Unable to feel anymore
Unable to speak anymore
Having no emotions anymore
Is this where I lie...
Completly Numb ?...

Will the wind ever remember
The name it has drown in the past ?